Thursday

So my last post was inspired by the beautiful senior pictures we received in the mail recently. As a homeschooling mom, I have rejected a lot of the typical high school traditions and experiences for a variety of reasons. We knew we needed a good photo of Matthew for the graduation bio and for open house invitations. Initially, we were not going to participate in these traditions, but a good friend of mine had asked me to direct the children's choir for the commencement and Rob decided we should attend. I am so grateful for this decision. I'll explain my reasons for this later, but back to the pictures.

I don't buy into all the expenses that many parent's feel forced to endure. We have quietly turned down baseball, ballet, gymnastics and "school" picture packages many times over the years. It was hard at times (especially for the little ballerina!) but a wise choice in hindsight. I fully planned on skipping the whole professional senior photo route until we saw some beautiful pictures on facebook of another homeschooling peer. I could tell that the photos really appealed to Matt's artistic side. Because of his very vivid imagination and strong artistic opinions, he can be very picky about media and art. But it was obvious to me that he liked this photographer's work.

In my recent ponderings regarding his graduation, I once again realized he is so gracious that he rarely (almost never) asks for anything. I mean it. I believe he has only asked me for a pair of shoes in the last three months. He lives and breathes contentment. Suddenly, I wanted to do this for him. So I gave him a check, and off he drove to meet with the photographer (who is actually only 15 years old and very gifted!)

I am so happy with this decision. We received the digital images in the mail two days ago. I could tell that Matt really liked them and felt confident with the results. As I poured over the images, my heart was filled with such joy. I felt as if I might burst with happiness. This son of mine almost died at birth, challenged me with his very unique personality, taught me just about everything I have learned regarding raising boys and became my very reason for choosing homeschooling. I just wanted to keep him alive and well and God gave me so much more. He is quiet, so not a lot of people really know him well. If you really know him you understand that his strength and dignity run deep.

I am actually getting excited about the upcoming commencement and celebrations. Graduating Matthew is such a special victory for me. If you home school, you understand the fear, uncertainty, TOIL, prayers, tears and pure work that one may experience. It is hard work. I have rarely had a moment to myself over the past 18 years. Often, there was crazy chaos in this home and I wasn't sure if I could continue. I questioned my ability to finish it. But I did it. He did it. God did it! He was faithful to answer all of my fervent prayers for help!

Do any of you run long distances? I feel like I have just finished a marathon! When I ran cross country in highschool, I would often cry at the finish line. This crying was a combination of sheer joy and relief at finishing a very painful yet worthy endeavor. This is my sentiment now.

So the reason I am happy we are participating in the graduation and open house is because God is using these experiences to put closure on my role which is quickly changing. I am not only celebrating the finish line, but I am being forced to face his upcoming absence. I will send him off on his own "marathon", with my new position as cheerleader. I do this with a joyful heart. It was an awesome journey.